Sunday, April 17, 2011

Shame, Embarrassment, Resilience, Teaching Dance

How do you feel about your dancing? If you’re a dance teacher, what is the attitude and feeling in your lessons? If you’re a student what’s the attitude and feeling in the lessons you take?

It’s a learning environment. Students (and teachers) are learning to do something differently that what they were doing before. You’re going to do things wrong, you’re going to make mistakes, you’re going to learn different things to do, you’re going to do things that might be difficult to do. But should you feel embarrassed when you do? Should you feel ashamed when you do? Probably you will at some point.

For some people it will be more extreme for some it will be less. Some teachers will try to over protect their students and some will be just the opposite. Both extremes can be bad for the students if it continues. The best teachers will switch, and soothe when it’s needed and just be direct (which at times can seem kind of harsh) when they need to. Over time we can get to a point of more resilience for the students and more compassion for the teacher (and more compassion for ourselves).

Being direct and honest is a lot different than specifically trying to shame or embarrass someone. If people are specifically trying to shame or embarrass you, don’t just walk, run!!! If you get trapped into the situation of being embarrassed about what you do dance-wise you won’t feel like expressing yourself. And we want more unique individual people out there, not more robots! (the robot apocalypse is already here and it’s us!)

The Steps

Too often the syllabus is taught as a strict set of rules. But it not really. It’s just a guide about levels and order of teaching the steps. “The Technique of Ballroom Dancing” is not the technique of dancing – it’s the technique of teaching dancing. It won’t teach you to express or move more efficiently or move more gracefully. Teaching the syllabus is not teaching how to dance. It’s not teaching dance. It’s just teaching steps.

Vulnerability

Don’t get overly soft. Don’t baby your students, don’t seek out teachers that are overly nice (don’t seek out ones that are overly harsh either). That feeling of vulnerability in learning dance is important. Standing in front of an audience with that kind of vulnerability takes courage.

The teaching cycle of doing things “right” and working to get better. Or even just thinking that there is a “right” way of doing things creates this cycle of shame and avoidance. Dancers become more disconnected from their audience from themselves and their emotions.

When dancers can get out on the floor and show vulnerability, relax their bodies and let their own natural emotions out they can get the best presence on the floor. It can be magnetic, magic, and incredible. When dancers try to do the “right” thing, force their actions and close themselves off, they come of unauthentic, unfriendly.

When people come to see you dance no one ever comes to see people dance “right” or how correct they can do something. People want to see the extra-ordinary not the ordinary. Take chances, express your feelings, take risks, be unique! Do the steps your way.

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